Making my money work longer and stronger

I get a lot of emails. Probably 500 a day.

No, I'm not important. Not at all. I'm quite dull, unattractive and apparently I'm about to be absolutely loaded and my penis stopped working.

Judging by all of the emails I get a day from Mustapha Fukameli of Sudan, I am heir to a large sum of money from my African cousin that just died or will die or was killed in a terrible hippo accident. I can't remember how exactly I will get my money. I usually delete the email two sentences in. Perhaps I should pay more attention. I could use some more cheese in my pocket.

And my penis? Well, that is a sensitive subject. Please pray for me. I'm getting bombarded with all of these medicine emails to help me with my problem. Apparently the senders don't realize that awaiting baby number three.

I think my junk works fine, thank you.

My good friend "Harley" sent me this email about this magic cure-all pill. I think we are good friends because he seems so confident about talking about such a sensitive topic. So, thanks Harley. Glad we caught up.

If you receive an email from me, I promise to not talk about either topic with you. I guess you aren't as good of a friend as Mustapha and Harley are to me.